Shepard's Greatest Mission - Priority: Motherhood
by Sun-Tsu Toriden
Summary: Shepard will never have a human child of her own, but she has the next best thing: Grunt. Shepard will learn some interesting lessons about herself, her son and parenthood in some unlikely ways. Chapter 2: The Talk (you know what I mean). Rated T for nudity
1. Can I sleep with you tonght?

Bianca Shepard took in the breathtaking sight before her. They had finally managed to get back to Hagalaz, and Liara had been convinced to join Shepard in her cabin. They had been through so much together, been apart for so long, that the desire for each other was at fever pitch. Now her blue beauty was lying naked on her bead, beads of moisture still glistening on her skin from her recent shower.

Shepard took the few steps down to join her naked lover, bearing the tray with assorted deserts to help them recover from their first extended lovemaking session, and to get some energy for the rest of the night. As they had eaten their fill of various sweet berries and chocolate, mixed generously with gentle kisses and loving touches of their bodies, they put the tray to the side. Liara help Bianca to slip out of the clothes she had thrown on to go to the ship mess for the food, and then gently but insistently pushed her back onto the bed, straddling her human. She took in the luscious curves of her breasts, the strong line of her jaw leading to a small but sharp chin, the high cheekbones, the short raven locks that she brushed away from glowing auburn eyes. She let her blue fingers trail down her honey-coloured skin until they met her caramel lips. Bianca kissed and sucked on the blue intruders while she reached up to grab something she had hidden under her pillow just for tonight.

Just as her fingers circled around their target, there was a knock on the cabin door. Bianca had made sure she locked it, and most of the crew knew that when Shepard locked her door, she was not to be disturbed unless it was an emergency, and you had better be on fire if you dared to ask what constituted an emergency. Shepard was about to ignore it when it came again, the hard clanging sound of metal being struck. Both of the lovers looked annoyed, but they both slipped into robes, Liara lounging on the bed and Shepard getting up.

"Why am I the one getting up?" she asked her reclined asari girlfriend.  
"Because it's your ship, so it's your problem," came the coy response with an even coyer smile. "If it helps, just remember that while you're dealing with, whatever the problem may be, I'll be here, all alone, finding ways to... entertain myself while you're gone." The smile went straight from coy to teasing, with a brief stop at seductive, as her hands roamed over the red silk covering her lithe blue form to illustrate her point.

Shepard had a hard time concentrating on what she was doing as she walked up the stairs and over to the locked door. She grumbled under her breath, silently cursing whoever it was and hoping that they were at least on fire right now. She unlocked the door and opened it; only to be greeted by a sight that completely jarred her awake from thoughts of asari-driven lust. It was Grunt, dressed in what could only be called sleep-armour, because calling it pyjamas was a terminal abuse of any language.

It looked vaguely like his battle armour, though in place of hardened metal and ceramics, it was made from what looked like canvas with foam-padded sections where his armour would have external plates. It was in a shade of red that could hopefully be called bronze, but was probably meant to be something more along the lines of arid sanguine. The biggest difference between his armour and this outfit were the skippers designed to look like turian heads. There were a standard grey colour, though Shepard couldn't help but notice that someone had painstakingly added a few details, like some scarring on the right-side and navy-blue markings. She wasn't about to ask why. Completing the outfit was something held tightly to his massive chest by his left hand. Bianca took a second to lean closer to learn that it was in fact a plushie Blasto, complete with assorted felt weaponry and biotic glow. Shepard tore her eyes away from his odd appearance to look him in the eye and ask what was going on.

"What is it Grunt?" she asked bluntly. If there was one thing she had learned from Wrex, it was that all krogan were warriors, and if you addressed them as such, it would make it easier in the long run.  
"Mom... can I sleep with you tonight? I had a nightmare and can't get back to sleep." Grunt's voice, never quiet at the best times, carried easily to the supine asari out of sight on the bed, who immediately clamped both her hands to her mouth to stop herself laughing out loud. Shepard just stood there, jaw hanging loosely, a small part of her brain silently cursing the universe for conspiring against her.

She had accepted it a while ago. She had woken Grunt from his tank, trained him to fight as a team, was his krantt and battlemaster as she helped him take down a Thresher Maw during his Rite, earning him name and clan. But she'd also been there to talk to when he asked the awkward questions he didn't ask anyone else, or they wouldn't answer. She'd seen the child-like light in his eyes as he talked about his extranet searches for dinosaurs. She'd felt like a bit of a heel as she told him that they'd gone extinct millions of years ago, but it came back entirely as she told him sharks and crocodiles still lived on earth. She'd been the one who had to give him **_The Talk_ **when he found himself at a loss on how to deal with the breeding requests in the wake of his Rite. She'd been the one who'd given him the Claymore shotgun they'd found on the Collector Ship. She was his mother, there was no escaping it. And until now, she had managed to escape this particular aspect of motherhood, comforting the child from the night.

She shook herself back to the present, taking in the pitiable look in Grunt's pale blue eyes. Eyes that would never show any weakness, except to her. A jaw she had actually seen bite through a varren, was now ever so slightly quivering. She lasted about two seconds before she gave in, stepping aside to allow the eight-foot krogan to come in.  
"Ok, I'll allow it tonight Grunt," she said as she fell into step behind him and approached the bed. Liara was standing now, and had gathered all her possessions into her bag. If Grunt had noticed her, or paid any thought as to why she was here, he didn't show it. "Make yourself comfortable Grunt," she said to the krogan, before turning to her asari lover and closing the distance to hug her.

"I'm sorry Liara, please don't take this the wrong way," she whispered. She looked into the deep blue eyes of her lover, and saw the light and laughter dancing within them.  
"Don't worry Bianca, I know this means a lot to you." They both stared silently into each other's eyes, neither needing nor wanting to mention out loud the secret they both knew, that the human would never have child of her own. "And I'll keep it a secret, for now..." Liara's control over her face was impressive, but even she couldn't stop the slight hint of mischief that crept into her voice and smile. Shepard blanched at the possibilities, running through the scenarios of who might try and get it out of Liara. None of them were good.

Liara was already halfway to the door before Shepard stopped the horrible images and regained control of her body. She took the steps to close the distance quickly, grabbing and pinning Liara's arms to her sides, a desperate look on her face.  
"Liara, I'll do anything, just please, don't tell anyone, especially Garrus... or Kasumi... or Joker... or Jack... or Jacob..." Bianca only stopped when a blue finger was placed delicately over her lips and pressed gently. The finger was soon replaced by a set of violet lips, a soft lingering kiss between departing lovers.  
"I love you Shepard, I'll keep this between us. Though I might take you up on your offer of anything later..." she said the last in a seductive whisper, before kissing her human girlfriend one last time. "I'll go and see what sort of quarters are available down below. I'll see you in the morning Bianca." With one last kiss, the asari turned and left, Shepard reluctantly locking the door behind her.

Shepard took off the blue robe and got into her sleepwear, before getting into the bed that was now more than half occupied by Grunt's bulk. He faced away from the fish tank towards the far wall, so Shepard got in behind him, placing a comforting arm over his waist. There was a soft sound from Grunt, nothing as gentle as a sign, but not as harsh as his usual grunting, as her arm came over him. There was a warm silence for a few moments, the only sound was the breath of the two bedmates, before it was broken by a whisper from Grunt.

"Mom,"  
"Yes Grunt?"  
"Can you tell me a story?" He awkwardly turned around to face the smaller human female, who propped herself up on one elbow. Though it seems impossible, Grunt seemed smaller somehow, perhaps it's the expectant light in his eyes or the way he is so tightly cuddling his Blasto plushie.  
"Alright, but only one. I'll tell you about the Battle of Virmire, you'll like that one. Its got lots of geth, krogan, and even an appearance by the Dread Spectre Saren. So, our story begins when..."

* * *

**A/N: So, credit for the inspiration for this story comes from two places: **

**1) The story 'Mother's Tears' by LogicalPremise. Sad and dark, but is beautiful in it's own way.**  
**2) Two Spectres: Ressurection by CoronaJTV, who gave me the idea about Grunt considering Shepard to be his mother in a more lighthearted way. **

**Also for those wondering, arid sanguine is the colour of dried blood (red-brown for human blood)**

**Anyway, Read and Review, and you might get more stories about Grunt and his mother, Shepard.**


	2. Bonus: Grunt's Nightmare

**A/N: A little bonus ficlet before I start the next chapter. Based on the idea of what would Grunt, the most badass krogan since Wrex, think was a nightmare?**

**Inspiration for this must go to the brilliant kyaru-chan and her excellent series Harvests Addams (a crossover where Harry Potter is taken in by the Addams Family. Seriously, go read it. I'm serious, go read it. Right Now!)**

* * *

Grunt's dreams were always a little weird. Since he'd essentially been taught by a similar process to dreaming, what were normal dreams were often interspersed with the voice of Okeer, hollow and faint as it recited ancient lessons, scenes from krogan history that he had been taught. His dreams were often of violence and death, sometimes from his imprints, sometimes from the battles that seemed to follow Shepard like a loyal varren. He liked them, liked reliving the feeling of bones breaking as he stomped on his enemies, the splatter of viscera on his face as his shotgun opened fatal wounds in any mercs unlucky enough to face him.

But tonight, something was wrong. It started out like a scene from any battle-vid, his enemies falling before him as his shotgun swung like a scythe through wheat. The boom of his shotgun was only matched by the volume of his laughter as the slaughter around him began to paint his armour multi-coloured shades of blood. But then it started to go subtly, but horribly wrong.

First, the gloomy clouds began to clear, letting in rays of bright yellow sunshine. This didn't much bother him, but it was only the start. Where the sunlight's rays hit the dry dust and bloody mud that he had been fighting in, suddenly there sprouted green and luxuriant grass. As the clouds were swept away the grass advanced hungrily, wiping away the blood and bodies like a wave obliterating sandcastles on a beach. In mere moments, his ideal dreamscape of dust and blood was replaced by rolling hillside covered in green grass and wildflowers. Even the comforting smell of blood and gore was replaced by the smell of clean mountain air and sweet flowers and nectar.

But that was only the start of this nightmare. The mercenaries that had been previously charging him were now gone. In their place was a series of small furry... things. He remembered from his extranet searches that they were from Earth, pet creatures, and infant ones at that. Puppies and Kitten, he recalled. This was all starting to get out of hand, so he tried to get this nightmare back onto the usual rails he preferred. He whipped up his shotgun, only to find it had changed colours from the usual gunmetal grey and black to disgustingly pastel shades of eggshell blue and baby pink. He shouted in frustration and fired it at the advancing wall of sickening cuteness, but was completely enraged when instead of the hypervelocity shards of jagged metal, a bunch of harmless confetti tumbled out of the barrel. He fired a few more times, hoping it was just a jam of some kind, but confetti was all that the trigger pulls returned.

Grunting in frustration he pulled out his assault rifle and pressed it to his shoulder, blindly pulling the trigger. His frustration only grew as he noticed his rifle was also disturbingly pastel, this time yellow and green, and the impacts only created short-stemmed flowers to appear, their faces turned to him. Their petals mocked him, showing a very obvious smiley face on bright golden petals that faced him. He could almost hear their laughter, as well as the yips and meows of the advancing horde of cuteness.

There was only one thing for it now, so her threw his weapon at the kittens and counter-charged. His scream as he watched his weapon turn into a cascade of bubbles as it left his hand only succeeded in activating his Blood Rage. He ran furiously into the puppies and kittens and smiley-faced flowers, grunting and stomping with all his might. In his wrath, he failed to notice that not a single one of his blows connected, the target simply flowing out of the way of his limbs, even the flowers. Eventually he tripped and fell over, only to be held down as the puppies, kittens and flowers began to pile on top of him, excitedly licking and purring as they roamed and played.

The last blow from the nightmare came as he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to see Wrex and Okeer, mounted on Earth Dinosaurs. But these weren't the huge and dangerous predators, or even the ones that had decent armour or weapons on their tails. These were large, ungainly sauropods, the most useless and un-krogan of dinosaurs. Both the krogan riding them seemed ridiculously happy, even though they were dressed in flimsy, shiny clothes and holding kittens in their arms. He could hear their merry laughter as he became engulfed in cuteness, drowning in soft fuzzy bodies and floral scents.

* * *

Grunt woke with a start, breathing heavily and almost crushing his beloved plush Blasto. He took a few moments to try and calm himself, before a biological imperative asseted itself and took control of his body.

_When you have a nightmare, seek out Mom for comfort._


	3. The Talk

A/N: No-one ever said these have to be in order. This one does in fact occur before Chapter One, and is an exploration of something mentioned therein.

That's right. It's Shepard's version of giving Grunt the teenager sexual education lesson, otherwise known colloquially as _**The Talk.**_

* * *

Bianca Shepard, Grunt and the rest of her ground team sat in silence as the Urdnot Shaman drove the tomkah over Tuchanka's broken highways back to the Urdnot encampment. All save two of them were gripping tightly to whatever they would get their grip on. They were all visibly pale and shaking slightly, even Garrus and Tali. When they glanced at any of the others, there was a fragile smile passed between those who have together survived a near death experience, and still couldn't believe it.

Grunt was beaming widely at Shepard, his ice-blue eyes lighting up with childlike glee as his gaze danced around the cramped vehicle, mostly alternating between the large wound on his shoulder that would certainly be an impressive scar despite his regenerative capabilities. Shepard was also pale, but not because they had just killed a thresher maw on foot. No, she was more worried about what Liara would say, and probably do to her, when she found out about this latest stunt.

As the tomkah rolled into the Urdnot camp, the rest of the ground team got out quickly and made a beeline straight for the shuttle to get back to the Normandy, leaving Grunt and Shepard alone to go and talk to Wrex on his concrete throne. There were whispers and murmurs as the two of them passed, Shepard trying not to let anything show as they walked through the gathering throng. When they got the podium where Wrex held court, the guards that had stalled them earlier stepped back smartly, and Bianca could almost swear there were hints of fear and admiration in their eyes.

As they stopped in front of the Urdnot clan leader, the Shaman came up behind them and moved to the side of the throne. His voice boomed out over the krogan who were now converging on them, almost a hundred tall, strong warriors. As he stood to face Grunt, the young krogan bent down on one knee.

"You have completed the Rite of Passage, earning the honour of clan and name. Rise, Urdnot Grunt, and take you place in the clan." Grunt stood up, eyes gleaming. _Looks like he finally found something he wanted after all_, Bianca thought to herself. Now Wrex stepped forward to face them, his voice softer as it was directed at Grunt and Shepard.

"It's been many years since a thresher maw was killed, not since my turn at the Rite. Urdnot Grunt, you now have the full privileges of clanship, including serving under a battlemaster."

Grunt's reply was immediate and forceful. "Shepard is my battlemaster, she has no match!"

"On that, we agree young one." He turned a baleful red eye to Bianca. "Did you really have to go and kill a maw Shepard? Now I'll never hear the end of it, a human being more krogan than a krogan. Next you'll be telling me that Grunt's really a quint and craps dark matter," he said with a roll of his eye. He turned it back on Shepard with a smirk. "I guess that's what it takes to replace me."

Bianca pushed him on the shoulder. "Wrex, you old softie, do you miss me sometimes?"

"Shepard, we were charged with finding one of the biggest threats in the galaxy and killing it with big guns. Now I sit here all day listening to grown warriors whine like humans who stub their toes. No offence," he backpedalled, realising who he was talking to.

"None taken," replied Shepard, laughing a little. She turned to the newest member of Clan Urdnot.

"Come on Grunt, let's get back to the ship."

As the two of them began the long walk back to the shuttle, Wrex called to them.

"Shepard, one more thing. After your little maw slaying adventure, I've received a dozen breeding requests for Grunt. And one for you!" Bianca stopped stone cold as the last words rang out across the space between them, but her mortification at that was nothing compared to question Grunt asked next.

"Shepard, what is he talking about?" the human woman turned to Grunt, hoping that she wouldn't see what she was fearing. One look at what passed for innocent confusion on his krogan face told her she was dead wrong. Colour drained further from her face as she realised that she was going to perform another parental duty that was dreaded above all others: _**The Talk**_.

Fighting to regain control of herself, she managed to croak out "I'll tell you on the shuttle." She set off at a much faster pace than before, chewing up the distance and thankful that none of the krogan here would have much knowledge of human body language, so none would bother her about the rising colour in her cheeks. As they got in the shuttle that had just returned from the Normandy to pick them up, she sat down opposite her weirdly adopted son and tried to figure out how to start what was doomed to be an awkward conversation.

"Grunt, how much about krogan biology did Okeer's imprints cover?"

"Not much. Enough to be able to tell between male and female at a glance. But not much else, obviously it wasn't important." Shepard hung her head, this was going to be worse than she thought.

"Alright, so you know the difference between male and female. Is that with clothes or nude?" Grunt's eyes unfocused a little as he trawled through the imprinted lessons inside his mind.

"There's no clothes on some of them, so nude, definitely."

"Alright, that's a start. So, what do you know about reproduction?"

"Again, Okeer didn't think it was important if it wasn't about strategy or enemies. There are some odd speculations about how the asari can reproduce with any species, regardless of gender, making them potentially formidable in terms of being able to replace lost warriors, but that's it."

"I see. Alright then, looks like we'll have to start from scratch then." She called up her omni-tool and did a quick extranet search. She pulled up the first likely page and scrolled down.

"Alright, here goes nothing," she muttered to herself. She mustered up her courage and ploughed forward, determined not to stop until she reached the end. "Ok, so you know the basic different between male and female. You're already familiar with the male equipment, a penis. It looks like it's usually tucked away, but when aroused it will emerge and grow long and hard. This is due to blood flowing into the area, and by the look of it, a specific bone." She tried not to stare at the image on the display, and actively tried to not think about it in relation to Grunt. For his part, Grunt just sat there, non-chalantly absorbing the information like it was a discussion of Alexander the Great's conquest of the Known World.

"Ok, so the female will have a vagina. There are a lot of slang terms that different species use, I don't know what the krogan ones are, so don't ask. Basically, the male penis is designed to fit inside the female vagina to deposit sperm. This is called sex. The whole purpose is to get the sperm from the male into the female, which will meet up with the female's egg and produce a baby krogan in the fullness of time. It's pretty much the same for all species except asari, who have their own way of reproducing."

As she finished, her cheeks were bright red, her eyes had trouble focusing on Grunt, and she felt extremely foolish. But what other choice did she have, really? This was her son, and he needed to learn these things sooner or later.

"Any questions?" the young krogan sat thoughtfully silent for a few moments.

"Why was there a breeding request for you?"

"Because they don't know me, or have some other mental deficiency." She looked at him quizzically.

"Nothing else?"

"No, it all makes sense. I'll look it up later if I'm interested, but right now, I'm hungry." This just as the shuttle touched down in the Normandy's shuttle bay.

"Alright Grunt, I'll see you later," she said, shutting the door as she got out. She shook her head, non-plussed as to how the krogan so casually dealt with an issue that mortified most human teenagers, not to mention parents. She went straight up to her cabin, not bothering getting food herself, and tried to process everything that had just happened in an afternoon. She had fought a thresher maw, killed one of Wrex's most annoying rivals, and to top it all off, had to give Grunt _**The Talk. **_She didn't know what she was dreading more: Liara's livid face when she learned about the thresher maw, or her mocking laughter when she learned about giving Grunt the sex talk. Bianca just flopped down on the bed and tried to work out the point in her life that the universe decided she deserved this punishment.


End file.
